Choices

I have a dear friend who is hurting because of someone else’s choices. I cried and prayed with her today, but I feel helpless. Her pain resonates in my being. As my friend questions the worth of her very own life, my heart aches.

I want to take the pain away. To make it right.

But, I can’t. And that hurts, too.

Because I like to figure things out, this is humbling. When I figure things out, my will is strengthened. I become more independent.

Less dependent on Him.

Choices. They have the power to give and to take life. To build up or to knock down. To create a smile or provoke a tear.

Often times, we are the recipient of someone else’s choices. Children of divorce, at age 3 or 23. The family of the victim of a drunk driver. A child’s innocence ripped away by a pedophile. The spouse of someone who chooses to betray his or her vows. The innocent who don’t have voices to protect themselves.

So many choices and so many questions. All too often these days, I don’t have the answers. And though it makes me feel helpless, I don’t feel hopeless.

I am learning that when I seek the answers, I don’t find them. Yet, when I seek Him, the answers find me. This is new and awkward for me. Most of my prayers lately have been answered with “wait and see” or “it’s not time yet”.

I am beginning to find that He is answering my prayer as I started out 2011…more of You, less of me.

This resonates with my soul, too. And my heart aches for more of Him.

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