New Normals

My sister lost her papa this week. Even though we are half-sisters, we share whole hearts. I would do anything for her and I know she would do anything for me. My heart aches for her broken heart…

I lost my nanny a little over 2 years ago. I still wish I could pick up the phone and call her. I would give most anything to sit down at her kitchen table on that worn wooden bench and enjoy a meal made with pure love. I know she is with me every time I cook a meal that she would cook, like this week when I cooked black-eyed peas and salmon cakes. Her impact on my life could never be measured by earthly dimensions…only eternal ones like love, grace, and sacrifice. I never doubted her love for me. She lived it every day.

I know my sister will never “get over” losing her papa. She will miss him every day that she lives until she sees him again. Life will continue with a new normal for her. No, things will never be the same. Her new normal will gradually become the next normal. I do know that I love her and I am praying for her…please join me in praying for her.

No one enjoys entering into grief, but when I am grieving, music speaks to the depths of my heart in ways that spoken words can’t. The following song has helped me grieve the loss of my nanny and other losses along my journey:

Caedmon’s Call “Ten Thousand Angels” Words and Music by Sandra McCracken. c2002 Same Old Dress Music (admin. by music services) all rights reserved. ASCAP: Sung by Derek Webb

“how long you have traveled in
darkness weeping
no rest in language, no words to speak
but there in the wreckage beneath bricks and bindings
love has come, love has come for you

against the night sky of your waiting
your face is like starlight
when he walks in
everything worth keeping comes through dying
love has come, love has come for you

so lift up your heart now, to this unfolding
all that has been broken will be restored
here runs deep waters
for all who are thirsty
love has come, love has come for you

ten thousand angels will light your pathway
until the day breaks fully in the East
they will surround you and make your way straight
love has come, love has come for you
love has come, love has come for you”

Grieving is a journey and the only way to experience grief is to walk, sometimes crawl, through it, one day, sometimes one minute, at a time.

“There are places in the heart that do not yet exist; suffering has to enter in for them to come to be.” Leon Bloy


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